and after that I deleted it, because I was so ashamed I wrote it in the first place. After which I sang the entire Disney's Best Love Songs Vol. 1 in a strangely sweet, high voice. I even threw in a few trills ala songbird.
Then with a snort and a fair bit of snot (well excccuuuuse me, I've got a cold), I woke up.
I sweats-ed a bit, contemplating the world, then I went straight back to sleep. Remaining sleep rather un-eventful.
Woke up with the sun in my face, and realised:
a) The letter writing WAS real - I was melancholy that night and I wrote some things down which I feel better having regurgitated in print, but was instantly ashamed of it after.
b) I DID NOT delete the damn thing, and hence I find a Word doc on my desktop titled: To ____, in hopes you never read this.
c) I do not sing that well after all - the singing was definitely part of the dream. Shit-e.
Point being; my days and dreams have begun to meld into one.
It started with work, you know. I would have a terrifically real nightmare about how Mr H (he shall be known as that from now on) yelled at me for not writing fast enough, and how a colleague of mine who I really like and is on good terms with is secretly stabbing me in the back, and when I wake up, dazed and in my loosest, biggest pants and rotten-est T shirt, I would be completely
UNSURE
if that actually happened.
I would go to work feeling slightly apprehensive, flashes of scolding and yelling fresh in my mind, and eye Mr H with a bit of wariness. It's quite sad.
I also secretly suspect I may be having some very strange night-wanderings; my mom is grumbling I always fall asleep with my lights on, but I am
VERY SURE
I turned them off.
But alas. Until the day I install cameras in my room I will never know if I am actually
writing letters/ singing in tune/ reading books
while I am fast asleep. It's quite scary.
But then again.
MELAKA is out, guys. For my part, at least. I am most terribly sorry; Singapore will have eaten such a large chunk of my money that I will not be able to afford even maggi mee for the next month or so. It is fortunate that my mother is so supportive and has even helped me out.
I love my mom.
Replacing Melaka with L4D and makan trip hardly counts but I promise I will starve and save money to go next next month. Good for my diet also anyway.
But enough about that. Promise to bring home pictures of Singapore and hopefully some nice souvenirs - heard they are bleedin' expensive in Singapore, but I'll see what I can smuggle back.
I am going overseas alone for the first time in my life.
Wish me luck.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
PHOTO Marathon - Canon's Exclusive Pissing Off Session
I begin this post with saying: the folks at Canon Malaysia had better send those who waited for nothing some pretty darned nice 'tokens of appreciation'. They had also better fire whosoever that set up the server systems.
The sun in the sky right in front of the LRT station. Feeling quite excited, actually.
8.10am
Me and LM camwhoring just a little bit - well, a lot actually. Started very late and we decided to kill time by taking pictures of ourselves. Location is Sunway Lagoon Theme Park; we were trapped there all day!
9.50am - 3.30pm
Flag off! The start to the marathon.
Themes: SPLASH!; RED and SHOOTING IN PROGRESS.
My first shot for the theme RED. Made this poor Wild Wild West mascot dude pose for me, and used the 'color accent function' for the red effect. Most obliging guy.
Folks were a-plenty at Sunway Lagoon, and kids are so the funny as subjects.
Pinwheels. In semi-colour.
A choice I had for RED but didn't use because there were so many people at the bottom panel of the picture.
A very adorable girl with a balloon. Going crazy with my 'color accent' feature here, as you can tell.
My eventual choice for theme SPLASH! Refused to take the conventional splash of water pictures so I took a picture of a boy sitting on a float tube. Splash, geddit?
My submission for RED. No explanation there, lol. I particularly like this picture, my favourite of the bunch.
My submission for Shooting in Progress. Shot this while LM and J were off to take more SPLASH! pics, he is actually the Sunway photog.
4pm - 7pm. Server Breakdown.
No pictures here, but lemme tell you that it was just frustrating. The servers got all jammed up and nobody could upload any pictures at all. Added to that, as they were fixing the servers, some SMART KIASU IDIOTIC people were STILL uploading their pictures, despite having been told that uploading the pics would be useless; as SNARFU and TARFU and FUBAR has happened.
But as Malaysians, they don't listen, and continued to make things difficult by attempting repeated log-ins nonetheless.
So what we did was go makan at Sunway Pyramid (after a 30min walk O_o) and then drove back to the starting point of the marathon. Only to discover that they were stalling for time by showing some entries and THAT THE JUDGES COULD NOT MAKE A DECISION. By now, 10.30pm and very angry. Murmurs were going throught the crowd, and when the emcee announced that the results will be released tommorrow (today, meaning 11/10) there were howls of protest.
Followed by claps when they announced a 'token of apology' will be given out. -_-
So I left, and hitched a ride back with another friend, who stayed back and was pissed too. In fact, he took this final shot at 10.50pm, just before we left the place.
A rather beautiful ending to a tiring, frustrating day - thankfully made good with friends who were fun to be around with. :)
With that, I present my own little photoessay of Canon Photomarathon Malaysia 2009.
7.00am
7.00am
The sun in the sky right in front of the LRT station. Feeling quite excited, actually.8.10am
Me and LM camwhoring just a little bit - well, a lot actually. Started very late and we decided to kill time by taking pictures of ourselves. Location is Sunway Lagoon Theme Park; we were trapped there all day!
9.50am - 3.30pm
Flag off! The start to the marathon.
Themes: SPLASH!; RED and SHOOTING IN PROGRESS.
My first shot for the theme RED. Made this poor Wild Wild West mascot dude pose for me, and used the 'color accent function' for the red effect. Most obliging guy.
Folks were a-plenty at Sunway Lagoon, and kids are so the funny as subjects.
Pinwheels. In semi-colour.
A choice I had for RED but didn't use because there were so many people at the bottom panel of the picture.
A very adorable girl with a balloon. Going crazy with my 'color accent' feature here, as you can tell.
My eventual choice for theme SPLASH! Refused to take the conventional splash of water pictures so I took a picture of a boy sitting on a float tube. Splash, geddit?
My submission for RED. No explanation there, lol. I particularly like this picture, my favourite of the bunch.
My submission for Shooting in Progress. Shot this while LM and J were off to take more SPLASH! pics, he is actually the Sunway photog.
4pm - 7pm. Server Breakdown.
No pictures here, but lemme tell you that it was just frustrating. The servers got all jammed up and nobody could upload any pictures at all. Added to that, as they were fixing the servers, some SMART KIASU IDIOTIC people were STILL uploading their pictures, despite having been told that uploading the pics would be useless; as SNARFU and TARFU and FUBAR has happened.
But as Malaysians, they don't listen, and continued to make things difficult by attempting repeated log-ins nonetheless.
So what we did was go makan at Sunway Pyramid (after a 30min walk O_o) and then drove back to the starting point of the marathon. Only to discover that they were stalling for time by showing some entries and THAT THE JUDGES COULD NOT MAKE A DECISION. By now, 10.30pm and very angry. Murmurs were going throught the crowd, and when the emcee announced that the results will be released tommorrow (today, meaning 11/10) there were howls of protest.
Followed by claps when they announced a 'token of apology' will be given out. -_-
So I left, and hitched a ride back with another friend, who stayed back and was pissed too. In fact, he took this final shot at 10.50pm, just before we left the place.
A rather beautiful ending to a tiring, frustrating day - thankfully made good with friends who were fun to be around with. :)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Its been quite a while
...since I updated.
This is because work has kept me busier than a hyperactive squirrel looking for winter nut stores and also because I arrive home every night just to slump into bed like a DEAD hyperactive squirrel looking for winter nut stores.
I also cannot take facing Christian because for the past five months now I've been having an illicit affair with my office laptop. It's quite sad, really.
Work, in all its glory, is all-consuming. I enjoy it, but boy oh boy - my weekends are like GOLD to me now. I feel like every weekend I spend NOT SLEEPING or LAZING is wasted, because my weekdays are a flurry of activity and I hardly get a moment to breathe.
But I am not complaining. I do genuinely enjoy what I do and I happen to fancy that I do it well enough to not get me the sack. Which is fine. Hahaha.
Right now, as I type, the activity is dying down just a little, and the pages are almost closed. Bad news is that the closing is a little delayed. O_o
Nonetheless, I am enjoying a slightly quiet moment and I intend to fill you in (to my best capacity) with what has been going on with me for the past weeks. Because you know you wanna know. :P
It's a story!
Having had quite a few dud stories for the past few weeks or so, I believe the time has come to pick my battered self off the floor and grit my teeth. I will shoulder on. I will write some good stories and give a message to the 50,000 readers.
I just wish that I could remind myself of it sometimes; it is in my BLOOD to beat myself up blue, black and green over failures and pitfalls and mistakes. I really should just smack me upside on the head and then move on - instead of bringing out the medieval torture devices I keep hidden in my room and putting myself through the most painful of said devices.
But then again.
Well, it's improving somewhat. I was thoroughly depressed a few weeks ago but I feel happier now that I've got my head screwed on right again. It's not easy churning out story after story. And like a very scary editor once said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
So if I continue to beat myself over the smallest of things, or continue to perceive everything negatively, I will continue to get just a little bit more suicidal by the day. I ain't saying all is roses and peaches now, but I think it's not thorns and shit either.
It's the roses!
I bought roses for my mom on a whim the other day. She was incredibly pleased, and as always, demonstrated how pleased she was by saying I shouldn't waste money like that. Moms.
Thing is, I am a Daddy's girl. Always have been, always will be. I adore my alpha-Dino to distraction, and sometimes his approval (or disapproval) of me can rule my moods for weeks. Such is the level of Daddy's girl-ism I have. Which is sad. I ain't proud of it - but don't get me wrong. I don't look for Daddy replacements or whatever (that is sooooo wrong) but I do enjoy a really really close relationship with my dad.
So.
Sometimes, I forget my Mom. I forget that she's there, watching me buy persimmons and cheese cakes for my Dad. (I buy cake for her too, but she doesn't like cake much and it always goes to my Dad anyway) She completely supports me keeping my Dino pleased (his moods rule the household too) but I think I forget her a lot.
I forget that through everything, she is the only one who I can rely on to UNFAILINGLY give me accurate, excellent advise (my bro isn't really much around anymore, and my sister's information is dubious at best) and to listen to my grouses, my dreams, my whims and my fancies without complaint.
If there was an award for World's Best Listener, it would go to her.
I forget that it was her that kept the family together, and strong all through the years while my Dad was away on his job, and running his business. For those of you who know me well, you know the details that follow la.
But it was her, all the while. Managing the family, keeping us together, worrying for us. I ain't saying my Dad didnt' do that too, but.... well, he is always the alpha Man type, so he always functions as a 'Wait till your Dad comes home' threat.
(Which is enough to scare the bejeebers out of me and my siblings anyway. No need whack also. Threaten with Daddy enough edy.)
Through the difficult times and the good times, she was there. I've never met a woman quite as strong as she is, and if I grew up to be HALF as strong as her I'd be lucky.
It is as I grow older that I realise how much I truly love my Mom. The love I have for her comes from a different, deeper place. It is mingled in with respect and understanding. It is a love that I think will only grow as the years go by and I start to understand and see the sacrifices she has made.
So I bought her roses. Just cause. She looked at me all bewildered when I shoved the bouquet under her nose.
She asked: Why? What day issit? Why you buy? and I said: Nothing, just wanna buy for you la!
Followed by her saying: How much it cost you - why you waste money liddat? Must be you buy books again and don't want me to get mad at you la.
And then she goes off to put it in a vase, displaying them neatly and prominently at the cabinet. She also smiles at the roses for a bit - she thinks I didn't see, but I did. Heh.
It is moments like this that makes me love my Mom all the more. She is like a Rock; immovable, solid, reliable and predictable. She is also like a soft pillow; soft-hearted, forgiving and comforting.
For most part, I am Daddy's girl. But I think I am a lot Mommy's Girl too.
It's a Wrap!
Back to work and no more of that soppy stuff - work, I think, has taught me more in five months than in three years of school. It's cliched, but it's true. Work has a way of teaching you to be tough and strong, fast and efficient, and is both encouraging and depressing.
I think I DO like my work. I have my ups and downs, but for what it's worth, I think the experience and level of control over my work that I have here at my workplace is amazing, and very, very uplifting.
All is good. For now. =)
This is because work has kept me busier than a hyperactive squirrel looking for winter nut stores and also because I arrive home every night just to slump into bed like a DEAD hyperactive squirrel looking for winter nut stores.
I also cannot take facing Christian because for the past five months now I've been having an illicit affair with my office laptop. It's quite sad, really.
Work, in all its glory, is all-consuming. I enjoy it, but boy oh boy - my weekends are like GOLD to me now. I feel like every weekend I spend NOT SLEEPING or LAZING is wasted, because my weekdays are a flurry of activity and I hardly get a moment to breathe.
But I am not complaining. I do genuinely enjoy what I do and I happen to fancy that I do it well enough to not get me the sack. Which is fine. Hahaha.
Right now, as I type, the activity is dying down just a little, and the pages are almost closed. Bad news is that the closing is a little delayed. O_o
Nonetheless, I am enjoying a slightly quiet moment and I intend to fill you in (to my best capacity) with what has been going on with me for the past weeks. Because you know you wanna know. :P
It's a story!
Having had quite a few dud stories for the past few weeks or so, I believe the time has come to pick my battered self off the floor and grit my teeth. I will shoulder on. I will write some good stories and give a message to the 50,000 readers.
I just wish that I could remind myself of it sometimes; it is in my BLOOD to beat myself up blue, black and green over failures and pitfalls and mistakes. I really should just smack me upside on the head and then move on - instead of bringing out the medieval torture devices I keep hidden in my room and putting myself through the most painful of said devices.
But then again.
Well, it's improving somewhat. I was thoroughly depressed a few weeks ago but I feel happier now that I've got my head screwed on right again. It's not easy churning out story after story. And like a very scary editor once said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
So if I continue to beat myself over the smallest of things, or continue to perceive everything negatively, I will continue to get just a little bit more suicidal by the day. I ain't saying all is roses and peaches now, but I think it's not thorns and shit either.
It's the roses!
I bought roses for my mom on a whim the other day. She was incredibly pleased, and as always, demonstrated how pleased she was by saying I shouldn't waste money like that. Moms.
Thing is, I am a Daddy's girl. Always have been, always will be. I adore my alpha-Dino to distraction, and sometimes his approval (or disapproval) of me can rule my moods for weeks. Such is the level of Daddy's girl-ism I have. Which is sad. I ain't proud of it - but don't get me wrong. I don't look for Daddy replacements or whatever (that is sooooo wrong) but I do enjoy a really really close relationship with my dad.
So.
Sometimes, I forget my Mom. I forget that she's there, watching me buy persimmons and cheese cakes for my Dad. (I buy cake for her too, but she doesn't like cake much and it always goes to my Dad anyway) She completely supports me keeping my Dino pleased (his moods rule the household too) but I think I forget her a lot.
I forget that through everything, she is the only one who I can rely on to UNFAILINGLY give me accurate, excellent advise (my bro isn't really much around anymore, and my sister's information is dubious at best) and to listen to my grouses, my dreams, my whims and my fancies without complaint.
If there was an award for World's Best Listener, it would go to her.
I forget that it was her that kept the family together, and strong all through the years while my Dad was away on his job, and running his business. For those of you who know me well, you know the details that follow la.
But it was her, all the while. Managing the family, keeping us together, worrying for us. I ain't saying my Dad didnt' do that too, but.... well, he is always the alpha Man type, so he always functions as a 'Wait till your Dad comes home' threat.
(Which is enough to scare the bejeebers out of me and my siblings anyway. No need whack also. Threaten with Daddy enough edy.)
Through the difficult times and the good times, she was there. I've never met a woman quite as strong as she is, and if I grew up to be HALF as strong as her I'd be lucky.
It is as I grow older that I realise how much I truly love my Mom. The love I have for her comes from a different, deeper place. It is mingled in with respect and understanding. It is a love that I think will only grow as the years go by and I start to understand and see the sacrifices she has made.
So I bought her roses. Just cause. She looked at me all bewildered when I shoved the bouquet under her nose.
She asked: Why? What day issit? Why you buy? and I said: Nothing, just wanna buy for you la!
Followed by her saying: How much it cost you - why you waste money liddat? Must be you buy books again and don't want me to get mad at you la.
And then she goes off to put it in a vase, displaying them neatly and prominently at the cabinet. She also smiles at the roses for a bit - she thinks I didn't see, but I did. Heh.
It is moments like this that makes me love my Mom all the more. She is like a Rock; immovable, solid, reliable and predictable. She is also like a soft pillow; soft-hearted, forgiving and comforting.
For most part, I am Daddy's girl. But I think I am a lot Mommy's Girl too.
It's a Wrap!
Back to work and no more of that soppy stuff - work, I think, has taught me more in five months than in three years of school. It's cliched, but it's true. Work has a way of teaching you to be tough and strong, fast and efficient, and is both encouraging and depressing.
I think I DO like my work. I have my ups and downs, but for what it's worth, I think the experience and level of control over my work that I have here at my workplace is amazing, and very, very uplifting.
All is good. For now. =)
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