Its been quite a while

...since I updated.

This is because work has kept me busier than a hyperactive squirrel looking for winter nut stores and also because I arrive home every night just to slump into bed like a DEAD hyperactive squirrel looking for winter nut stores.

I also cannot take facing Christian because for the past five months now I've been having an illicit affair with my office laptop. It's quite sad, really.

Work, in all its glory, is all-consuming. I enjoy it, but boy oh boy - my weekends are like GOLD to me now. I feel like every weekend I spend NOT SLEEPING or LAZING is wasted, because my weekdays are a flurry of activity and I hardly get a moment to breathe.

But I am not complaining. I do genuinely enjoy what I do and I happen to fancy that I do it well enough to not get me the sack. Which is fine. Hahaha.

Right now, as I type, the activity is dying down just a little, and the pages are almost closed. Bad news is that the closing is a little delayed. O_o

Nonetheless, I am enjoying a slightly quiet moment and I intend to fill you in (to my best capacity) with what has been going on with me for the past weeks. Because you know you wanna know. :P

It's a story!

Having had quite a few dud stories for the past few weeks or so, I believe the time has come to pick my battered self off the floor and grit my teeth. I will shoulder on. I will write some good stories and give a message to the 50,000 readers.

I just wish that I could remind myself of it sometimes; it is in my BLOOD to beat myself up blue, black and green over failures and pitfalls and mistakes. I really should just smack me upside on the head and then move on - instead of bringing out the medieval torture devices I keep hidden in my room and putting myself through the most painful of said devices.

But then again.

Well, it's improving somewhat. I was thoroughly depressed a few weeks ago but I feel happier now that I've got my head screwed on right again. It's not easy churning out story after story. And like a very scary editor once said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

So if I continue to beat myself over the smallest of things, or continue to perceive everything negatively, I will continue to get just a little bit more suicidal by the day. I ain't saying all is roses and peaches now, but I think it's not thorns and shit either.

It's the roses!

I bought roses for my mom on a whim the other day. She was incredibly pleased, and as always, demonstrated how pleased she was by saying I shouldn't waste money like that. Moms.

Thing is, I am a Daddy's girl. Always have been, always will be. I adore my alpha-Dino to distraction, and sometimes his approval (or disapproval) of me can rule my moods for weeks. Such is the level of Daddy's girl-ism I have. Which is sad. I ain't proud of it - but don't get me wrong. I don't look for Daddy replacements or whatever (that is sooooo wrong) but I do enjoy a really really close relationship with my dad.

So.

Sometimes, I forget my Mom. I forget that she's there, watching me buy persimmons and cheese cakes for my Dad. (I buy cake for her too, but she doesn't like cake much and it always goes to my Dad anyway) She completely supports me keeping my Dino pleased (his moods rule the household too) but I think I forget her a lot.

I forget that through everything, she is the only one who I can rely on to UNFAILINGLY give me accurate, excellent advise (my bro isn't really much around anymore, and my sister's information is dubious at best) and to listen to my grouses, my dreams, my whims and my fancies without complaint.

If there was an award for World's Best Listener, it would go to her.

I forget that it was her that kept the family together, and strong all through the years while my Dad was away on his job, and running his business. For those of you who know me well, you know the details that follow la.

But it was her, all the while. Managing the family, keeping us together, worrying for us. I ain't saying my Dad didnt' do that too, but.... well, he is always the alpha Man type, so he always functions as a 'Wait till your Dad comes home' threat.

(Which is enough to scare the bejeebers out of me and my siblings anyway. No need whack also. Threaten with Daddy enough edy.)

Through the difficult times and the good times, she was there. I've never met a woman quite as strong as she is, and if I grew up to be HALF as strong as her I'd be lucky.

It is as I grow older that I realise how much I truly love my Mom. The love I have for her comes from a different, deeper place. It is mingled in with respect and understanding. It is a love that I think will only grow as the years go by and I start to understand and see the sacrifices she has made.


So I bought her roses. Just cause. She looked at me all bewildered when I shoved the bouquet under her nose.

She asked: Why? What day issit? Why you buy? and I said: Nothing, just wanna buy for you la!

Followed by her saying: How much it cost you - why you waste money liddat? Must be you buy books again and don't want me to get mad at you la.

And then she goes off to put it in a vase, displaying them neatly and prominently at the cabinet. She also smiles at the roses for a bit - she thinks I didn't see, but I did. Heh.

It is moments like this that makes me love my Mom all the more. She is like a Rock; immovable, solid, reliable and predictable. She is also like a soft pillow; soft-hearted, forgiving and comforting.

For most part, I am Daddy's girl. But I think I am a lot Mommy's Girl too.

It's a Wrap!

Back to work and no more of that soppy stuff - work, I think, has taught me more in five months than in three years of school. It's cliched, but it's true. Work has a way of teaching you to be tough and strong, fast and efficient, and is both encouraging and depressing.

I think I DO like my work. I have my ups and downs, but for what it's worth, I think the experience and level of control over my work that I have here at my workplace is amazing, and very, very uplifting.

All is good. For now. =)