I found myself writing a letter no one will read

and after that I deleted it, because I was so ashamed I wrote it in the first place. After which I sang the entire Disney's Best Love Songs Vol. 1 in a strangely sweet, high voice. I even threw in a few trills ala songbird.

Then with a snort and a fair bit of snot (well excccuuuuse me, I've got a cold), I woke up.

I sweats-ed a bit, contemplating the world, then I went straight back to sleep. Remaining sleep rather un-eventful.

Woke up with the sun in my face, and realised:

a) The letter writing WAS real - I was melancholy that night and I wrote some things down which I feel better having regurgitated in print, but was instantly ashamed of it after.

b) I DID NOT delete the damn thing, and hence I find a Word doc on my desktop titled: To ____, in hopes you never read this.

c) I do not sing that well after all - the singing was definitely part of the dream. Shit-e.

Point being; my days and dreams have begun to meld into one.

It started with work, you know. I would have a terrifically real nightmare about how Mr H (he shall be known as that from now on) yelled at me for not writing fast enough, and how a colleague of mine who I really like and is on good terms with is secretly stabbing me in the back, and when I wake up, dazed and in my loosest, biggest pants and rotten-est T shirt, I would be completely

UNSURE

if that actually happened.

I would go to work feeling slightly apprehensive, flashes of scolding and yelling fresh in my mind, and eye Mr H with a bit of wariness. It's quite sad.

I also secretly suspect I may be having some very strange night-wanderings; my mom is grumbling I always fall asleep with my lights on, but I am

VERY SURE

I turned them off.

But alas. Until the day I install cameras in my room I will never know if I am actually

writing letters/ singing in tune/ reading books

while I am fast asleep. It's quite scary.

But then again.

MELAKA is out, guys. For my part, at least. I am most terribly sorry; Singapore will have eaten such a large chunk of my money that I will not be able to afford even maggi mee for the next month or so. It is fortunate that my mother is so supportive and has even helped me out.

I love my mom.

Replacing Melaka with L4D and makan trip hardly counts but I promise I will starve and save money to go next next month. Good for my diet also anyway.

But enough about that. Promise to bring home pictures of Singapore and hopefully some nice souvenirs - heard they are bleedin' expensive in Singapore, but I'll see what I can smuggle back.

I am going overseas alone for the first time in my life.

Wish me luck.