On the first day of Christmas

my true love gave to me: a pile of brown, erm, excrement.

Because that is what dogs do, and Maya is just like any other dog except that her fur is an alien extension sent to Earth to scruffy-fy me to death.

But that aside.

I found myself kneeling at the church pews

... my knees slipping on the wood because I have on a pair of trousers made of a butter-smooth material. It's a Christmas midnight mass, and you can already tell I am a prude with no life: I attend church in the middle of the night and then go home to blog about at 2.30am in the morning. No wild parties Sir, I promise. No booze for me either.

But I find myself thanking Him that I made it through the year - 2009 was a year of such new, amazing, incredible experiences for me I shall be a bit sorry it has to end. I have 5 days left on it, and I plan to waste it entirely on movies and sleep.

I also found myself praying to Him that I will fall in love with a person I have not met, and then perhaps put bygones as bygones, and move on. Pray also that my family is safe, and secure, and above all else, happy. And we are happy. Mostly poor, sometimes unwise and foolish, but happy.

(I think He listens, you know. It's just that He's got this lousy-ass secretary who gives Him his messages a few years too late. So hard to find good help these days.)

But listen to me. Getting all sentimental. I blame the silent night. Family asleep upstairs. The Internet all to myself.

2009 -

I made mistakes I regret till today.

I made choices I probably will not regret for the rest of my life. I also made choices I will regret for the rest of my life.

I suceeded in many areas, I failed in equally as many. I lived through expereinces that come once in a lifetime, I missed opportunities equally as rare.

I did so many things right and wrong this year. I grew up a little, regressed a little. Fell back on old habits and got rid of some. Said the right thing and said the wrong. Put on some weight and lost some. Ahem.

Told as much truth as I could, lied also when I had to.

Helped out a few people, stabbed some in the back too.

Took some sound beatings, relished some victories.

Learn a lot, and lost a lot.

Loved and then lost it, only to have it flare up every so often when the nights are quiet.

Some things made clear, some things made murkier.

It WAS some year.


2010-

I want to fall in love; have my hands held, my feet swept and my heart stolen. I want to move on, forget, accept and stop praying for things that can never be. I want to feel special, and I want to see me reflected in someone else's eyes exactly as I am. I want to be loved for me.

I want my Mom to be okay. I want her to be healthy, and safe, and happy. More than that, I want to be able to help her be all those things.

No matter what I want to keep the friendships I have alive, and kicking, and as mad as it is right now.

I need my job to be okay.

I want to grow up and be less stupid.

I would like to say I want to be rich, but that would be pushing it because I am already asking God for Perfection. Heh.

And the night is melting into morning.

so I have to be in bed, asleep. My eyes are closing.

Merry Christmas, everyone.