ACK. I am blogging. When I should be getting me ass moving. Have just discovered that I may have to rewrite one article and now am scratching head to find way to do it and not go raving, starking MAD.
What the HELL am I still doing here???!!! Oh yes, to moan and generally be a pain in the arse.
First off; I am now resigned. Initially I was pining, then I was longing, then I was obsessing, then I got confused and conflicted, then I was in serious 'like' and now I am RESIGNED. Finished. Given up. All the fight has gone outta me. I don't wanna think anymore. I am not even going to TRY. NOPE. NOT A BLOODY CHANCE.
Will I suffer? Sure. Will I regret? Maybe. Will I even try? Not in a gazillion years. And lastly, will I ever forget? Nope. No bloody way.
Because every single bleedin' day I will suffer silently and endure the agony. Its like; going home to find your lights are out. The bulbs broken. You REALLY REALLY need the lights, but you have no idea how to fix it and no idea if you want to risk fixing it. Still, as you sit in the dark, you suffer. Yet you have NO CHOICE but to suffer, because you dont know how to change the bulbs and you dont want to risk it exploding in your face. And worse part? The helplessness. Knowing you can NEVER EVER EVER get what you want but at the same time hoping, HOPING against all odds, that you could, that you even had the slightest CHANCE.
Perhaps that is a BAD example. But it pretty much describes my feelings now. But ACK, I say, ACK. I DONT CARE. I DONT WANT TO CARE. I SHALL SUFFER.
And so, now that I have made up my mind, I shall be resigned. Resigned. I will go on; perhaps one day, it'll get easier.
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