When one only has ONE vote, how does one decide who to vote for? Ah, my friends, I am now officially a VOTER. I registered today. In the post office. In a deceptively simple procedure of simply producing your MyKad.
So I present to you..... (in light of my recent addition to the ranks of one gazillion people of the world who vote)
Top Ten Ways to Choose Which Political Party to Vote For.
10. Choose the party with the nicest logo. A nice, well-drawn logo is a mark of a professional logo designing agency and if the party has hired a good designer, it speaks well for the party. Remember, political-economy-media theory? It makes sense: political party + nice logo + professional media/logo agency + heckuva lotta moolah = good party.
9. Choose the party with the easiest name to remember. Because you cannot possibly be choosing one with a name like TMPPFARPAQ (The Malaysian People's Party For All Round Peace And Quiet) or TPWTBIOMIM (The Party With The Best Interests Of Malaysians In Mind) or TPWWJMOUFF (The Party Where We Just Made One Up For Fun). So, KISS! (Keep It Simple, Stupid!)
8. Choose the party with the best-looking spokesperson. If people are all delving into the world of the superficially beautiful and the degradation that is looks-obsession, then they should do it right. I mean, people all go by looks now, dont they? Well, at least most people do (and those who don't are sadly endangered) so we might as well chip in. Politically at least. Cant beat 'em? Join 'em.
7. Choose the party with the catchiest tagline. Wait. Do political parties even have taglines? Hmmm. Maybe 'Now Everyone Can't Fly Because We've Got Control of All the Airlines and We're Making It Expensive To Fly,' or ' Just Vote It' or 'Always the Slightly Smarter Choice Because You've Got Very Little Choice Anyway' or ' Ruling the Country Since 1957 and so It Makes Sense to Keep Voting For Us '. Though, all of the above are not at all catchy so maybe they should not have taglines anyway.
6. Choose the party which supports the newly proposed 'Satay, Nasi Lemak, Char Kuey Teow and Curries Act 2007'. This Act supports the right of all the citizens of Malaysia to enjoy these artery-clogging foods and receive free medical care afterwards when we suffer from the consequences. This is important, people. Some of the sub-sections of this Act are the 'Santan and Sugar Act 2007' and the 'High-Cholestrol Meats and Foods Act 2007'; all propounding the same demand.
5. Choose the party which you feel will have your best interests at heart. I mean, when your goldfish dies, or your turtle won't come out of it's shell, or your dog would rather play catch by itself, or your nose is running away and you can't catch it ... who're you gonna call? Ghostbusters? Spiderman? Superman? No! You go to your nearest Jabatan and lodge a formal complaint! Then the party will take care of your goldfish (buy you a new one), force your turtle to come out (lure it with cabbage laced with crack), force your dog to play catch with you (throw him a frisbee smeared with meat-sauce) and pump you full of Actifed for free (Actifed is a nose-problem solving medicine, my sinus-siblings use it all the time).
4. Choose the party which your parents vote for. Your parents are old. Old people are wise. Wise people know who and what they are voting for. And besides, you can always blame your parents if the choice turns out to be a wrong one. No liabilities whatsoever.
3. Choose the party whose members have the brightest, loudest and gaudiest batik shirts. One can always trust gaudy batik shirts, because people who wear shirts so loud they literally scream can always be trusted to be so 'tembok' that they'd do anything for the country.
2. Choose the party whose main HQ is located near your place. That way, when you are bored, you can always ask the PM to go for 'teh tarik'. And since he's, well, the PM, he'll get it for free and so will you.
1. Choose the party which will consider making Sleeping an Olympic sport.
There you have it, mi amigoes. Go and register if you're 21! Even if you're not 21, try anyway. Just say that you may be below 21 on your MyKad, but you're 21 at heart. Go vote, my friends. Because seriously, do we want to end up having like, nobody left to vote? The older generation won't live forever! So vote vote vote!
*Disclaimer: This top ten is strictly for entertainment purposes, not for political agenda or for propaganda (though now I am equipped with knowledge of three types of bloody propaganda), I was not hired by any party nor would I ever claim to even have thought about being hired by any party, I only wish to entertain my friends, and in a small way, encourage them to register as voters as well. And if you want to arrest me for that, damn you ISA people, you have LOST your minds*
ACHTUNG!: Use any of the above Top Ten only in the MOST dire of circumstances, and do not, at all times, actually follow it all at one shot.
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